about me or {

reflections on identity};

Who am I and how should I sum myself up succinctly to others? That is impossible to answer because not even I know. I resonate deeply with people who come from patterns of abuse, addiction or trauma. I lose myself in other people, because I spent most of my life being a provisional personality to others.

What does it mean to be a provisional personality? It is a term coined by Carl Jung to describe people who, whether by coercion or choice, are unable to develop their own sense of self. Arrested personality development. It is accompanied by feelings of emptiness, self-doubt, susceptibility to manipulation by others, and a heightened sense of empathy in which one can lose themselves completely.

So what about me? How does this all relate to fashion, art, or the superficial elevator pitch answer of "who am I?"

My impulse is to say I am whoever you want me to be. I am whatever makes you most comfortable. I am whatever mutable form is required to tolerate high stress, volatile and chaotic situations. I am supposed to be the sacrificial lamb. This admission is horrific for me to post on the internet because it is my most vulnerable origin story. But that is not true for me anymore. Or hopefully for not much longer.

My exploration into art, into fashion specifically as an art form, is an exploration into identity at its core. Not just identity politics, but what it means to identify as anything or anyone. What it means to identify as a human with a soul. What it means for me to identify as an autonomous and free personality after decades of abuse and trauma recovery.

It is not lost on me that identity is not an original pursuit, and is the inherent goal of all forms of expression. To me, this is the foundation of any work upon which an artist will have a unique message to say or perspective to impart. It is embarrassing to be focused on the rudimentary task of finding, holding and experiencing identity. My goal and pursuit is to express my identity, to nurture it, and explore without get lost.

It is for this reason that I may apply to schools or artist residencies, or jobs and classes that will enrich my practice. If you are here on behalf of a vetting process for those pursuits, thank you for reading and for your time.